I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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