I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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