Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
