Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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