hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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