wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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