I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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