so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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