I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
