I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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