I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
