i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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