The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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