I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
