I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
