HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
