I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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