i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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