Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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