508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
