I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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