When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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