I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MIDGETS
????
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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