life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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