Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
