I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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