i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
