I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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