Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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