i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
