If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
