I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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