It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
