i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
