is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
pray to the hookup gods
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
