Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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