New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
