You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
