it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
