Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
