I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
