thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
