I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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