All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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