why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
