1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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