The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
