Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
