woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
