Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
