worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
