Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
