the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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