She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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