He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
