okay pat passed out under dana's car
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
