im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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