Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
