He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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