I don't remember. Are we still dating?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize