tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
