Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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