u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
