Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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